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Cancer Guilt to Cancer Event

June 17, 2018

The past few weeks have been a bit challenging, I have witnessed the negative impacts of cancer on others.  From attending a memorial service of a wonderful woman, who received her angel wings much too young.  To seeing a true brain tumor warrior at the UW brain cancer center while getting my six month MRI. My results came back stable by the way – which is good and means another six months until my next check-up.  All the while thinking how fortunate I am to have only have an Oligodendroglioma tumor.  Yes I am totally and completely lucky to have an Oligo brain tumor.  It’s true that there is not a cure for an Oligo, but it’s not like some other types of brain cancers, that have much worse survival rates or since today is Father’s day – it’s not what my Dad had.  His cancer was far worse and his battle and pain was so incredibly worse than my own path, it’s hard to take in at times.  Yes it’s true, I feel guilty that my cancer is not worse than it is.  I can work, do the things I love and function completely as if nothing is wrong with me.  Why am I so fortunate??  I have always told myself that there must be some bigger and grand purpose for me. That there has to be some type of reason why I was given brain cancer.

Sometimes I am all in on that thought, and other moments, I am not sure if it’s true at all.  At times, I really just don’t get why I am blessed with just an Oligo and I don’t really understand why it’s not worse.  The crazy part about how I feel is that I would not want anyone to ever feel guilty about my diagnosis.  NEVER EVER!  I have been able to deal with Goliath on my terms and in my own way, thus I don’t want anyone to ever feel this way about my and my plight.  It really makes me worry that my thoughts are silly and just plain dumb.  So how to help deal with this guilt?  Try to do something cool.

Defeat Goliath is holding an event on June 27- which is a Wednesday Night at the Maison DeLille Wine Lounge in Kirkland  – 15 Lake Street  – 10% of all proceeds generated from 3pm until 9pm will go to support the Alvord Brain Tumor Center at UW.  Which is where all of my treatment has been.  More information can be found here:  Charity Event

You can also join Defeat Goliath at the Head for the Cure 5K run or walk on June 30, by going here:  5K Run Walk

Here is a mountain picture that  all of my posts need to have.  This is on Mt. Ruth in the North Cascades taken this past Memorial Day Weekend. It’s Jessica and Colby heading up towards the summit.

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Hope you can join us!!

DEH

DG

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The Walk

April 29, 2018

Last year Team DG ended up taking the year off from the walk as I went to Palm Springs for a post tax season mini-trip.  I feel like this year’s walk is sort of coming full circle.  The first Seattle Brain Cancer walk that I participated in was in 2012.  That year I was going through chemotherapy – I was closing in 10 months.  Back in 2012, the walk was held in September.  It was moved to May as May is brain cancer awareness month. In 2012, I was helping out coaching the Mt. Si Wildcat junior football program’s varsity team, which is made up of 7th and 8th graders.  The last of those 7th graders will be graduating from Mt. Si this year and in the fall I will be coaching Colby at the varsity level.  That is a time frame of about 7 years.  Colby had just turned 7 when I was diagnosed with brain cancer and this fall he will turn 14.  Its crazy how time flies by.

Team Defeat Goliath has always had a huge support both in terms of people and financial support over the past 7 years, which is amazing and humbling.

I walk, because I can, because I am able to, because some of the chemotherapy options that are still being used today are the same drugs from the 1970’s.  I walk because the survival rates off brain cancer survivors hasn’t changed much in the last 10 years.  I walk because each year since 2011, I have met some amazing people who are brain cancer survivors, who had their lives tragically cut short. 2018 is already no exception to this rule. I walk because each year I have been able to say these same things.  What I really want to see is for something to change, for a breakthrough to happen.

Being apart of events like the Seattle Brain Cancer Walk is one way for me to stay involved and feel like I can try to make a difference.  Though it may be small, every little bit helps.

If you would like to join Team Defeat Goliath this year, here are the details:

 

DG image

 

The Walk is Sunday May 6th at the Seattle Center – Walk starts at 9am.

To register or donate go here: Join Team Defeat Goliath

Owning your Mistakes: No Excuses

April 19, 2018

When I was a freshman in high school, there was a quote in the weight room that said “Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.”  That quote is something that has stuck with me.  It has always been a reminder that excuses are the easy way out.  It is always easy to explain away why we did not accomplish our goals.  The hard way is to just do it right from the start.  In life nobody is perfect, we are all going to make mistakes and fall short.  However to me, what separates people is how they handle adversity.  Typically there are two paths in dealing with failure.  One path is to own it right from the start, to acknowledge the mistake, to accept full responsibility and then to take steps to not allow whatever happened to occur again.  The other path is to throw blame and list excuses as to why things were not accomplished.

The quote was put up in the weight room as the football program was going through a coaching revival and it was a reminder that the old ways of the past would not be accepting in more.  The changing of the guard would not tolerate excuses as acceptable reasons why the program was not improving. The times were changing where now everyone would be judged on their performance, not their reasons for failure.  Their performance would be dictated by their hard work.  No more excuses, no more free passes.  Everyone would have to own their choices and make their path.  If you didn’t put in the work, then you would not play.  Pretty simple rules to live by.  But it was a drastic change for the ways of past regimes. The program embarked on its best run in school history, with multiple state play-off appearances and league championships.

Colby Football

I have thought of this quote the last few years, as I have been coaching junior football.  I work with the offensive line and help with the offense in general, but most of my work is really just with the linemen.  95% of the time, when a player misses a block, it because of two things, their head was down or their first move was to stand straight up.  I am sure players are tired of the questions “Where was your head on that play?” or “What was your first move?”   Often times I end up with responses like this “Coach my head was up, until the defender grabbed the side of the jersey and then my head went down, but prior to the defense hitting me it was up.”  “Either your head is up or it’s down, it pretty simple.  I don’t really care about the why or the reason, you just need to make sure that it’s up.  Of course the defender is going to try and push your head down as that’s to his advantage.”  There is always a reason, an excuse why the play did not work out as designed.  It brings me back to Master Yoda from the Empire Strikes Back, telling Luke, “Try not, Do.. or do not, there is no try.” I know it sounds pretty harsh, but in a sport that is judged and scored by outcomes, that is the reality.  You either block the defender or you don’t.  You do and your team gains yards, you don’t and your running back gets tackled.  It’s really pretty simple.  But all the reasons and excuses in the world, don’t help make the block happen.   Nobody wants the list of excuses, as the saying goes, excuses are like a______s everyone has one.  To me, excuses are just ways for us to comfort ourselves to try and avoid dealing with the reality of what we don’t want to hear.  We made a mistake, we screwed up, we failed.  Excuses numb and dull this pain as it helps us to avoid taking ownership of our mistakes. When we don’t own the mistake, it’s sort of as if it didn’t really happen because it was the factors (aka excuses) that caused the problem, not us.

Ownership of mistakes is a huge deal for me.  One of the quickest and best ways to learn and grow from mistakes is to own them 100%.  I think it’s only then, that a person can move forward.   Listing out excuses on why things did not turn out as planned, to me, is simply a way of not wanting to take ownership of that mistake.  It’s a way to throw blame around so that nothing sticks on you.  It’s a great way to muddy up the waters so it’s hard to see anything, hard to see the real truth.

During the summers when I was home from college, I worked for the Riverview School District, doing maintenance work.  The main job was to mow all the grass fields and areas at all of the districts sites, but the job also included a bunch of random tasks, painting parking stalls, pressure washing roofs, delivering the annual school supplies and assisting with the relocation of classrooms during construction projects.  During my first summer working there, it was a Friday the boss and most everyone else on the staff was out on vacation that day.  That summer I worked as a team with Sean Smith, who had graduated from high school a year before me.  Our task for the day was to head up to Cherry Valley Elementary and clean out a bunch of old computers and junk that was put into a portable, temporarily during construction.

We took a large box van that the district owned and headed up to the school.  Since we knew the job was going to basically just be manual labor, I wanted to get the box van as close as possible to the building as I didn’t want to have to carry the items further then was necessary.  We were going to load them up and carry them out to then be disposed of properly.  Being 19 or 20 and not used to driving a large box van, I didn’t think much about the height of the van.  As I was trying to drive the van in between two portables, I was only looking at the height of the cab, thinking that I had plenty of space, however that is when I heard this horrific scraping sound.  I then try to back up to try and get out of there, but it was no use.  The side of the van hit the gutter on the building, ripped off a section of the gutter and bent it all up, while leaving a huge scrape on the side of the van which ended with a puncture spot on the wall of the van.  I had put a hole in the van, along with a huge scrape and had destroyed a section of gutter on a portable.  Not good.  We did the only thing we could do, finished the task at hand.  At the end of the day we returned to the maintenance facility, parked the van in its spot and I went home.   I didn’t say anything to anyone on staff about what had happened, only Sean knew.  On Monday morning, I showed up for work, everyone was back from vacation and they were all outside in the yard looking at the box van, talking about the damage to the vehicle.  Unfortunately as I was hoping, the weekend did not wipe away the events that occurred on Friday – the van was damaged and the damage was my fault.  The head of maintenance was a good man named John Marks.  He asked something to the effect of “I know these marks were not here before I went on vacation, can someone please fill me in on what happened?”  I looked at him and said that it was my fault, I was driving it when the damage occurred.  I then explained to him what happened and also told him about the damage to the portable at Cherry Valley.  After my explanation, I went about my day, then at the end of the day, John called me into his office.  I was thinking man I am going to get a butt chewing, docked pay or maybe even fired.  Who knows what will happen, but it can’t be good as damaging a district vehicle can’t lead to anything positive.   To my surprise, instead of a lecture, I ended up with a thank you.  He said that we was taken aback by my honesty.  Since nobody saw what happened that day, thus if I had said that I didn’t know what happened, that would have been the storyline.  There was no proof that I was responsible.  He summed things up with something like this.  “After working for the school district for many, many years, the reality is that nobody is ever honest about damaging district property, since it’s a government job, it’s easy to deny things in cases like this as nothing typically ever comes of a case like this with no proof and nobody is ever going to look into things as it’s not worth anyone’s time.  The easy thing would have been to just say that you don’t know anything about what happened and that would have been that.  By being honest you basically open yourself up to scrutiny by your own choice.  “That doesn’t happen in government work.”   He was thankful for my honesty.  In the end, it made for a situation in which more trust was formed, because I had owned up to my mistake, I didn’t make any excuses and dealt with the consequences and fallout, even though I could have lied and made excuses to get out of things.  And yes I was invited back to work there the next summer.

My hope is that my boys learn to own their mistakes and shortcomings and choose not to make excuses, but to learn from their errors and grow as a person during these times of life’s trials. They need to know that in a world that judges based upon outcomes, excuses really don’t matter and will lead to a house of failure.

 

DH

DG

#donewithcancer Part II

September 21, 2017

My last blog I talk about pushing a new hashtag #donewithcancer.  I tweeted out several things I have done since cancer and thought I would share them here for those that are not on Twitter.  These were tweeted out the past couple of weeks.

Each of these starts with “Things I have done since Cancer:”

These are in no particular order:

1. Climbing trip to the Alps:  Monte Rosa 

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2. Climbed Sharkfin Tower in the North Cascades

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3. Climbed Sloan Peak also North Cascades

Cool Sloan Peak

4. Ran the Orcas Island 50K with @rollTide_AK

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5. Started a Blog which became @DefeatGoliath

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6. Lost the hair on half of my head! (Dr.’s say It might grow back???) Not yet.

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7.  Rock Climbing at Smith

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8.  Lots of amazing trips with my boys!

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9.  Have been through 12 months of chemo, 6 weeks of radiation and 1 craniotomy.

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10.  Been Completely blessed by my family, friends and my community during this ordeal

Team DG 2016

This is the bonus item!  This picture was my first climb I did post surgery, while I was going through chemo, Jessica and I climbed Colchuck Peak, in the Enchantments.  We had an amazing day and it represented one of the first times that I was going to stay true to my mantra that I was not going to let Cancer keep me from doing the things I love and still accomplishing my goals.

Summit

Jessica and myself on the summit.

#donewithcancer

DG

DEH

#donewithcancer

August 20, 2017

When I was first diagnosed with cancer one of my biggest goals was “not to change anything”. Granted anytime something big like that hits, some things are going to have to change. However my focus was more along the lines of I am not going to let cancer dictate my life. I am still going to go do the things I am passionate about. I am going to still move forward living my life. I will not let fear win the day. As most everyone knows, I love to be outdoors, I love to hike, climb, run, bike, kayak, and anything else that gets me outside in the fresh air and the beauty of our environment. I was not going to let cancer keep me from my passion. I think this was evident when not too long after my craniotomy, I went to Zion national Park with some good buddies. We hiked up to Angel’s Landing (while it was covered in snow and ice) and then hiked into the Subway (which is a beautiful canyon not in the main valley at Zion) A few months prior, I was not really able to walk alone, due to deficiencies from my surgery. Now I was hiking on a couple of fairly challenging hikes. This is actually how the DG logo was born. It was from hiking up Angel’s Landing. Part of that trip was to get away with some of my good buddies, but it was also in some ways a test to myself that I was still going to do some cool things in my life. Cancer would not define me. I was still going to choose how I was going to live my life. During this trip I was a couple of months into my 12 months of chemo.  It was in some ways the first big thing I had done with cancer.

Here is the photo that became the DG Logo.  High up on Angel’s Landing in Zion National Park

DG

A few weeks ago I was looking at some digital files of photos of trips I have done the last several years, all post cancer and thought “I have done quite a bit of cool things since the discovery of Goliath.” I thought back to my vow about not changing things and realized that I have done a pretty good job of living that out. I saw lots of great adventures of climb, trips to the Alps, incredible camping and climbing trips with my boys, a 50K ultra-marathon, a trip up to Mt. Waddington, an adventure race, some great climbs in the Cascades and Rainier with my wife and friends. I realized that I have really fulfilled that vow. Cancer has not kept me from moving forward in my life. In some respects it has probably enhanced some of this adventures because, I now realize how precious they really are. Time is not something that we can ever get back, so we need to use it wisely.  In the end our connections with people, our memories and our faith is really all that we have left. So you might as well make the connections and memories top notch.

I sent out a couple of tweets about the things I have done since cancer. My thought was to put out a top ten list of cool adventures I have done since my cancer diagnosis. I put out my first three and actually got a pretty good response.  These included my climb of Monta Rosa in the Alps, a climb of Sharkfin Tower in the North Cascades and a climb of Sloan Peak, as in the North Cascades. The responses from my small group of followers was neat to see. I do not have a huge amount of twitter followers. So any response lets me know that I tweeted something that resonates with people.

I then went on climb of Argonaut Peak with Brian Dickinson (@BrainCDickinson), he has a large twitter following. He mentioned that he liked the idea of the list of things I have done since I was diagnosed with cancer. I was using a hashtag #notdeadyet with each tweet. However I didn’t really like that. As kids, my sister and I were not supposed to use the word dead, as our mother did not like that word. To add some context, if that sounds weird, this rule occurred after my younger brother died of SIDS. After our climb of Argonaut, I thought about a hashtag that weekend. My Family was on a cruise in Alaska, where I was soon to join them, so I had some solo time to consider this. Then it came to me: #donewithcancer!!

Really there are two meanings:

  1. I am just done with cancer, it sucks and has claimed to many lives, too many too young. I have a list of incredible people impacted by this disease. And it seems each week, I am contacted by someone looking for more information about brain cancer due to a recent diagnosis.  I am glad I can be a resource, but I hate the reason.
  2. It is to represent things that people have done despite cancer. Basically saying what have you or a loved one done to show cancer that you will not give in, you will not surrender. Really just things you have done since being diagnosed with cancer.

Granted my list is full of outdoor adventure and doing some things in some cases that not everyone can do. However that is not the idea of #donewithcancer. The idea is what things, big or small have you done to not let cancer dictate your life. How have you or a loved one continued to live your life to it’s fullest regardless of cancer. The idea is that not everyone can “go big” after a cancer diagnoses. For some a #donewithcancer moment might just be a warm embrace from a loved one. It is not about climbing mountains, but about how in a small or big way have you chosen to be #donewithcancer. How have you decided to not let cancer dictate terms to you.

I look back at my Dad who died of cancer at the age of 50. Once he was diagnosed, he would not have been healthy enough to do some of the adventures that I have been doing, nor were those things his passion. If I was to make a #donewithcancer top five list for my Dad, I think it would look like this:

  1. Was able to tell each of my loved ones goodbye in my own special way.
  2. Attended my daughter’s college graduation from WSU
  3. Took my son on a trip to Reno for his 21’st Birthday
  4. Daily walk of the .8 mile loop from home
  5. Received a head massage of my bald hairless head caused by chemo

My Hope is that people will share this idea and use the hashtag #donewithcancer to show that ways that people are standing up to this disease and choosing to keep control of their lives. I know for me, I am going to continue my vow to continue to do the things I love and that bring me joy, despite doing them with cancer. #donewithcancer.  These things big and small were huge to my Dad and showed his family his determination and grit in the face of a difficult and painful diagnosis. Unlike me, my Dad’s cancer lead to intense pain, as his bones were being disintegrated by his cancer.

I challenge everyone to use #donewithcancer and list how you or a loved one has pressed forward and not let cancer hold you back.

DG

DEH

#donewithcancer

Snowking

August 4, 2017

So I used to spend lots of time after adventures writing up a trip report and sending them out to friends who enjoy outdoor adventures like myself.  I haven’t done this is quite some time, but felt like this past trip with my boys and good friend Brian Dickinson and his son Jordan was well worth it.  Plus Brian made a pretty awesome YouTube video to share.

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Picture near the summit

So here it is:  Kids Rocking Snowking

I have been looking at Snowking Mountain for quite some time. It seemed like a great mix of seclusion and beautiful views in the North Cascades. Thus it become the goal for a weekend trip with myself, my to boys, Colby 12, and Cade 10, plus my good friend Brian and his son Jordan 10. Honestly there was not much current beta on this mountain. I was using the 75 scrambles book for the bulk of my beta. Shortly before our leave date, I realized that the approach road (1570) was permanently closed.   I briefly thought I switch to Mt. Daniel, but the allure or the North Cascades was just too much. Besides, I had recently taken my boys to the movie “Dirtbag – the story of Fred Beckey”. Thus the idea of the remote North Cascades seemed even more enticing.

We headed out from Snoqualmie just after 6am and hit the local Starbucks for some coffee and breakfast, then it was on the road. We arrived at the trailhead at like 9:30, then got geared up and ready to go. The road (FS 1570) to where it is permanently closed, was fine except for a creek crossing that is almost next to the block-off point. Anyhow we had a Jeep so it was not an issue at all. We then parked the rig and started to load up our gear. There were two other cars at the “trailhead”. We were then packed up and ready to head out. A long road walk awaited us. The road is now pretty overgrown and has two spots that are totally washed out. Granted they are both easy to navigate past. The extra walk took us about 1:45. The boys grumbled a little bit about the road, but they were troopers! Finally we hit what is the actual trailhead and took a small break. The trail was for sure a climbers trail as it went straight up. We cruised up on the trail stopping from time to time to rest, grab some food and water and for bathroom breaks. Eventually we ran into a solo person coming down the trail. He said that he had gotten up the trail, where it opens up into sort of a small basin. However the basin was covered with snow and he was not able to follow the trail, thus he turned around and was heading back. We kept on moving, the boys were awesome and we made it to the open area at around 4800’. Here, is where we hit snow and the trail disappeared until it. We found some markers that seemed to take us to the right of what looked like Point 5116. However everything that I had read stated that the key was to stay left. We ended up just heading up to the top of Point 5116 to see if we could get a better look at the terrain and pick-up the trail. Honestly we saw nothing but thick forest all around. There was not a good idea of where a trail might be. We saw the next objective that we needed to scale, which was point 5450’ – however there was quite a bit of evelation gain that was needed to get there from where we were. Not to mention that Cyclone Lake (our hopeful camping spot) was still a ways past that on the map. We looked at the boys and they were looking a little bit tired. Thus we talked and decided that this was going to be our campsite for the night. It was about 4:30pm anyhow. The boys had been going for over 6 hours by now with full packs.

We set up camp. The black flies were out of control. Brian got the stove going (we camped on some snow patches, so we had a water source) and freeze dried yum it was! After that we all jump into tents as the bugs sucked and really our campsite was not equipped with great sitting areas. We then went to bed. We woke up just before 5am and started getting everything ready to head out in the am. We had put together a plan to try and find the trail. After some bushwhacking we actually were able to pick it up again. From there it was sort of on and of the trail, we were able to mostly follow it up to the top of Point 5450’ However I will say there was a bunch of bushwhacking that went along with getting up to the top of the point. At the top we found another tent and a great camping spot, with views! Our spot was not quite out of the trees, so the views were good, but not great. The trail down from the point is actually pretty steep right from the top. Once you drop down, there are two smaller humps that you have to go up and over to reach a point where you can access Cyclone Lake. The lake was still covered with snow. The area near the lake is beautiful. It was about here were we caught up with the two guys who were camped up at Point 5450’. We talked with them briefly and then, kept on going. We leapfrogged a couple of times however on one of the “bumps” they were trying to side-hill traverser across it, but it looked pretty nasty, so we just decided to go straight up an over and follow a moderate snow slope to the top. This proved to be the winning route for sure. We had to navigate a bit now, but the two guys were not in sight anymore. From here the next task was to gain the ridge. From here to the top, we were in mostly snow. The snow was soft, but not slushy, thus it made for some great travel. There were a couple of spots were we dropped onto the rocks, then back to the snow. We finally saw the two guys again they had gain the top of the little bump. This was the last we saw of them, as I think they bailed. The next bit was a steady climb to the summit on snow.

Once we got near the summit ridge, the slope got much steeper. Here we had the boys pull out their ice axes as we traversed across the face of the peak looking for the best way to get onto the rocky peak from the snow, while avoiding some large moats. We found a way onto the rock, then finished the with a short, but easy scramble section to reach the summit. We reached the top at noon and spend about 30 minutes at the summit. For the USGS markers. We didn’t look hard for a register, not sure if there is one or not? But no worries. I snapped a few pictures of the markers for proof. The summit is at 7433’. Now we looked back at the path and realized that we still have a long way to go to get out of here.

We thought about trying to see if would could cut across some of the areas we went to get to the top, in order to make the trip a little bit shorter. We quickly realized that was useless and decided that we should just follow our tracks back out as it was actually easier. We finished our trip back to our camp site with a full-on bushwhack up to point 5116. Basically we figured that we had to climb up anyhow so might as well just attack it head on. When we got back to the tents, it was closing in on 5pm. We figured that we had at least a 3.5 hour hike to get back to the car. The boys had done awesome so far and we were worried about having them put full packs back on and then have to go down the steep trail. Plus we thought there might be a high likelihood of needing headlamps for the hike on the road to get back to the car. Thus we talked and decided as much as it would worry the heck out of our wives, the best option was to stay one more night and then hike out in the morning. So we did. It was time for another round of freeze dried goodness and then off to sleep.

We got up about 4:30 and then were on the trail by around 5:30. The hike out was steep for sure and after watching the boys navigate the roots and obstacles with full packs, it was clear to us that we made the correct call. We were back to the car around 9:30.

There was a Skagit County Sheriff who just pulled up to our car and asked us if we were Brian and David.  Yes we said.  “Great that makes my job much easier!”  Yep we worried our wives!  But we were all safe and made the correct call.  I now own a Spot device however!     All in all an incredible trip. All three boys were superstars. I really thought early on in the trip that I had picked something that might be too hard. However they rose to the challenge. In typically North Cascade fashion the truly hard part was the approach, the climb was the fun relaxing part of the trip. I would not recommend this hike for kids however. Despite the fact that we took our boys on this, they have climbs such as Adams, Baker, Mt. Daniel, St. Helens and Camp Muir on their lists of accomplishments. Not your ordinary 10 and 12 year-olds!

We were also quite pleased that we got two 10 year-olds and a twelve year-old to the top of Snowking, when we saw men around us who went 0-3. Proud papa moment for sure.

The area is beautiful, remote and rugged for sure. It was a great introduction into teaching our kids some dirtbag skills.

Kids Rocking Snowking

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DG

DEH

Finding Hope

June 20, 2017

 

 

Hope – It’s what can help to keep us going. Even when the darkness surrounds us. Hope is the light in the dark. “However dark the night, however dim our hopes, the light will always follow darkness.” – Louis Zamperini (He is the guy from Unbroken if you don’t know the name). A while back I had submitted my name to a non-profit organization that pairs up cancer survivors with other cancer survivors to create a mentor/mentee relationship. I put my name in as a potential mentor. Well just a few weeks ago, I was contacted that I would be a good fit for someone looking for a mentor.

We have traded some emails and had a good phone conversation. What I found out was that this person actually has been at this longer than me. They are at 12 years – started with the same type of brain cancer as me, but since then has had several growth periods in which the brain has morphed into a more aggressive grade. Tumor progression is a very common thing that occurs with slow growing tumors like mine. Anyhow they seemed totally down, depressed, and tired of the whole process. Tired of the repeated rounds of chemo and radiation, tired of the medications, tired of the waiting for MRI results, just plain tired of the whole crappy process. I can totally relate. Waiting is the name of the game with brain cancer. Waiting on the results of an MRI to see what the next year of your life might bring. It is a world that consists of counter attacks. You wait for the tumor to do something and then you pounce on it and go after it. Counter attacks require a great deal of patience and waiting. But “the waiting is the hardest part” (Tom Petty quote). It’s during this constant waiting that can lead to despair, frustration, fear, and anger. It really sucks. I think after 12 year of the frustration, they have started to wear down and become bitter. Causing them to let the darkness creep in. You wait to hear the words “Your MRI is stable” and then you are supposed to be overjoyed with happiness. Then you wait again for the next MRI… Stable is not the description that typically brings joy to one’s heart.

For example have you ever heard these types of conversations?:

“Hey Jim how is your new job going?”

“It’s stable.”

or

“Hey Bill, long time no-see, how is the family?”

“They’re stable.”

As you can see “stable” is a pretty awful description that actually provokes more negative thoughts than positive ones. But that is the reality of brain cancer.

This is what brings me to this concept of hope. As we all know “Rebellions are built on hope” (Rogue One). I really think the person that I am mentoring has lost some hope. Hope can be easy to lose and hard to hold onto, but it’s the key to being a survivor. After years of treatment, that sort of works and a tumor that has slowly become more aggressive over time, their hope has started to wane.  It has slowly been eroded.  It’s like the frog put in water that is slowly brought to a boil.  The frog will adapt to the slow changes in temperature until its too late and the frog get’s cooked.  I think brain cancer is a lot like that, you adapt and deal with each type of treatment and each setback.  However, through it all, your hope takes a slow and almost unnoticeable beating until you reach a point that it’s gone.   You have to have hope to survive cancer. Hope is what will guide you in the dark, it will keep the horrible thoughts at bay, and keep you moving one foot at a time forward through the cancer slog. Hope is a critical piece. It’s essential.

One source of hope is seeing other cancer survivors who have made the journey, been victorious. and shown that there is a chance, and hope for a better tomorrow.  These amazing warriors bring such hope and strength to those of us in the midst of the battle.  I know that I have many, many heroes that I watch and follow from afar and from up close.

Hope also comes in the form of new advancements in cancer treatment and options. Attending seminars and learning about the new treatment methods that some very talented and intelligent people are working on is one way to provide hope to the masses. Locally we have the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance, working hard to cure people and to give people hope for a better tomorrow. The Alliance is UW, Children’s Hospital, and Fred Hutch all pooling their resources to create better outcomes for patients with cancer.  They have quite the power team.

This is the group that has provided all of my treatment.

Here is your opportunity to help provide Hope to cancer patients. By helping to support the SCCA!  You can be a great agent of change and a person who supports hope.  Hope to all cancer patients that are battling to stay healthy and alive.

Run picture

Defeat Goliath is planning to be at the Head for the Cure 5K race! And we would like you to join us!  This is a run/walk event, so no worries if you are not a runner.  They offer some great awards and prizes for kid speedsters as well.

Here is the skinny:

Sunday July 9th at 8am

The Location is Marymoor Park

6046 West Lake Sammamish Pkwy NE Redmond, WA  98052

 

Here is the link:

http://www.headforthecure.org/seattle

When you sign up make sure to click join a team and then select Defeat Goliath.  Since I missed the walk this past year, this is DG’s big event for the year.

Also some exciting news on the DG website, my sister has been working on some really cool DG gear and posters. She has been taking some of my mountain pictures, adding some of my quotes from my blog and making, T-shirts, mugs, hats and posters.

Check it out here:

http://www.defeatgoliath.org/dg-shop.html

We would love to see you out at Marymoor helping to due your part to bring hope to those that need it the most!

DEH